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April 11, 2005



Hi, we're a married Christian couple, I'm a 49 yr old pastor, Darcy is my 47 yr old wife. We met as teenagers, lost our
virginities to each other and neither of us have ever had sex with anyone else. We've both experienced porn and struggled
at times. So here are some of our answers.

Is there such a thing as Christian erotica?

I think there should be. I've tried to reconcile the fact that God has blessed our lives with some things most Christians
call bad -- premarital sex, pornography -- and we think that there needs to be a "Christian porn" genre.

We started sleeping together on our third date (!) even though we both knew it was "wrong." We prayed and prayed, not
because we felt guilty, but because we did not -- we thought there must be something wrong with us. Finally we quit
trying to feel guilty and just accepted sex as God's blessing, whether we were married or not.

In a like way, God used porn to bless us at least twice. When we first started having sex, we didn't use any kind of birth
control. We weren't ignorant, we just didn't want to. We were just resigned to the fact that we'd probably be pregnant

Then I rented a porn video for us to watch. Neither one of us had seen one before, so we were fascinated as the actor and
actress actually had intercourse on the TV screen in front of us. Then, unexpectedly, the guy pulled out and ejaculated on
his partner's tummy. You could see the light bulb actually go on for Darcy and me -- I didn't have to climax inside Darcy,
we didn't have to get pregnant! Unbelievable as it may seen, pulling out was our only method of birth control for the next
20 years or so, until I got my vasectomy.

Which brings me to the second time God used porn to bless us. After my vasectomy, my libido crashed. My parts still worked,
I just wasn't interested in sex. In addition, Darcy and I were both depressed. So we had sex maybe two or three times
a month, max, and it wasn't very satisfying.

Well after a few months of this we bought our first computer and started surfing the net. It didn't take too long before
I discovered internet porn, and I was immediately addicted. I started coming to bed at night with an erection. I thought
I was keeping my porn viewing secret, but of course Darcy knew -- she was also praising God for it because she was getting
regular sex again finally!

So God has used porn at least twice to bless us, I don't see how it can "always" be wrong.

If yes, what would it be?

Christian porn would reflect the love that God has for us -- his passion, his tenderness. There might be just a fine
line between porn that reflects these values and porn that does not, and it would be more a matter of facial expression
or language or setting than anything that's going on below the waist. It would show men and women who love each other
and delight in each other, and who desire to delight their partner. And, it should go without saying, there would be
nothing going on that is unbiblical or degrading.

For example, we don't believe the Bible bans nudity. The word translated "nakedness" in the Old Testament actually
means the female sex organs, the inner and outer labia and vagina. A woman can walk around naked, sit, even lie down, and
her "nakedness" is rarely if ever visible. Only when she is being deliberately sexually inviting -- or when she shaves
her pubic hair so the protective covering God gave women is gone -- is a woman "uncovering her nakedness". So, strange as
it may seem, we believe Christian porn should NOT show the woman's sex organs.

Men's sex organs are another thing, because they flop around out there for the whole world to see if he's naked. On this
issue, though, Darcy and I disagree. I think that if the man is erect that is the equivalent of a woman spreading herself
and I do not want to see erections in my erotica. Darcy though doesn't think I can defend that from scripture and, truth
be told, she likes looking at erections.

So . . . nudity is OK, kissing and making out and licking nipples -- we think that's fine. We're torn on oral sex, I think
it's too explicit, Darcy doesn't, so we compromise, it's OK if it's foreplay only and if the penis going into the mouth
is not too "pornographic." For example, a girl taking her lover's limp penis into her mouth is fine, close-ups of her
deep-throating a huge erection is not.

No anal sex. Ever. We think that's what Paul was talking about in Romans when he referred to "leaving the natural
use of the woman." No masturbation scenes, no lesbian scenes, no scenes or movies where two or more guys share the
same woman.

Now: the big question: intercourse? Of course -- but how can you show intercourse without showing female sex organs,
and erections? Well, you have to do it by suggestion, by how the bodies are positioned, and sometimes by having to censor
things a little. I'd love to see an archive of Christian porn with limp penises, blurred-out labia, tiny black dots
appearing on the screen just at the point of penetration, and simulated intercourse. This keeps "the real thing" holy, to
be shared only by Darcy and me, in my opinion.

And the climax scene? A close-up of the couple's faces, as they look into each other's eyes, as he shoots his stuff
into his dearly beloved's body. Never -- never ever ever -- on her face, that's degrading.

Why is there such a large problem of pornography addition even among Christians?

Because sex so reflects the love of God toward us. Everybody wants that. The Enemy has of course tried to turn it into
something degrading and loveless, and even in its degraded state it's still powerfully addictive because God has hard-
wired us humans to want each other the way he wants us.

Are you a Christian?

Yes, I was born-again when I was a teenager. I led Darcy to the Lord on our first date (and had sex with her on the
third, but her Christianity has held firm regardless -- in fact it's usually even stronger than mine.)

If so, what kind?

I was a Baptist when we met, now we are non-denominational Charismatics.

How would you rank your sex life?

Sometimes great, sometimes so-so. Our worst times were right after the birth of our first child, when her libido crashed,
and right after my vasectomy when mine did. Our best times were after the birth of our second child, when we would have
sex every day except when Darcy was in her period. We'd also fast from sex for a few days before she ovulated,
so that we would both be extremely fertile. We both loved unprotected fertile sex, the rule was I couldn't pull out
until Darcy had at least one orgasm, preferably more. Then I ruined it by having a vasectomy.

Are you M/F?

Very much so!

Are you addicted to pornography?

At times I think I've been addicted. As young marrieds we had a pile of porno magazines and videos we kept in our
bedroom, and we'd read one or watch one before going to bed at night. Then one night when Darcy was out of town I
became convicted that they were wrong, and threw them all away. Darcy was so mad at me, but we stayed porn-free until
we bought the computer. When I confessed to Darcy that I was watching porn so I could get an erection and make love
to her, I thought she'd be mad but she wasn't. Instead she confessed that she was watching porn too. We forgave each
other and disconnected our internet for two months -- didn't have any problem at all. We've found that if the internet
is available, we'll watch porn, and if it's not, then we don't and never think of porn at all when it's down. So we
just try to monitor each other's viewing, challenging each other to keep within the parameters (softcore only, etc.)

Thanks, and blessings!
Mark & Darcy

June Cleaver

We think that Christians need a "safe" site where couples can enjoy reading about healthy, sexual encounters between loving, married couples, without being exposed to offensive advertising, cruelty, abuse, exploitation or alternative lifestyles. Therefore, we created a free site just for that. We are looking for authors who are willing to write within these guidelines too. Check out www.allegiaprose.com or www.christian-erotica.com.

It's MUCH nicer than 99.9% of the “porn” sites that are out there.

Questions for First Date

I don't see dating to be affected by porn, unless of course my mate is extremely christian, but luckily i've never run into that


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